


Hero's Curse Crack

by RaekaAmarok



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Doctor Who, Legend of Zelda, Naruto, Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Fluff and Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 12:04:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3691614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaekaAmarok/pseuds/RaekaAmarok
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here is the April fools chapter for my real fiction, Legend of Zelda: Hero's curse. Just a bunch of crack really. But since I deleted the chapter from the actual story, I figured I'd repost it as a separate story. Consider this chapter 2.5 of Hero's Curse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hero's Curse Crack

###### Disclaimer: April Fools! Yeah, I couldn't help myself. I like to think I'm funny. The proper chapter will be out on Saturday and as usual, I don't own jack. Seriously, I'm poor.

“No stealing.” Chain rubbed her hands together with a maniacal glee. “Sure.” Everyone left the room, leaving Chain and Link alone together. Link glanced nervously at Chain.

“Don’t do it. We just got off the hook. Even the goddesses won’t forgive us twice.” Chain’s smile grew wider.

“Don’t worry little bro,” she said as she pinched Link’s cheek. “I’m really an angel. The horns just hold up the halo.” With that, Chain skipped out of the office humming with an almost innocent air about her.

Chain headed straight for Zelda’s room, thanks to her meta knowledge of the exact layout of the castle. She entered the room, lavishly decorated in silks and fine tapestries with an elegant mural on the ceiling depicting the three goddesses as they created the world. In the middle of the painting was Ze- I mean Hylia, standing with the triforce hovering above her head. Sitting on Zelda’s dresser was the Ocarina of Time. Chain gleefully grabbed the ocarina, like any Zelda fan ever, and set out on her quest to find the three spiritual stones.

Her first destination was Zora’s domain where she fed Princess Ruto to Jabu Jabu after stealing the stone of water. “Don’t worry Princess, I’m sure my brother will marry you in the fan fics.”

Next she went Death mountain where she summoned Castiel and the Reds and Blues to cause a whole lot of trouble while she pickpocketed the pocketless gorons to grab the stone of fire and a couple dozen rupees. Plus a banana. Always bring a banana to a party.

Finally, it was the great deku who held the last stone. Chain approached the deku tree with a mighty chainsaw in hand. The saw buzzed angrily as the blades whirled. “Don’t do this my child,” the great tree pleaded. “Thee will not succeed.” Chain threw her head back and laughed. “Yeah? Who will stop me? You?” She put the saw to the bark and it instantly broke, the pieces shattering as they flew into the air and miraculously missed Chain completely. Chain put a finger up and then dropped it again. “I’ll be right back.”

After a quick trip down Monty Python Lane, and a few silly walks, she returned with a herring in hand and proceeded to chop the Great Deku Tree down. It took her 8 nights and some oil, but she finally managed to reduce the tree to a stump. Sitting conveniently atop the stump was the final stone and a heart container. Chain approached the container and kicked it, proclaiming, “I don’t have a heart anyways.”

Now armed with everything she needed, Chain broke into the sacred realm and stole the triforce. After beating Sasuke in a death battle for being obnoxious. “Forget Ganondorf. I’m gonna rule them all, hehe!”

And thus, Chain became the Lion King and ruled over all of hyrule with her minions: Emperor Zurg, Mark Sheppard, the Master, Giovanni, Green, Joker, Penguin, and every sniveling sidekick ever. It was a great evil party.


End file.
